Monday, May 19, 2008

Back from Tejas!

It has been a long while since I have posted, and my excuses are many (that random video of a baby was an accidental post from my best friend - so cute... :). Mostly I blame my recent trip to Texas for not only interrupting my routine, but for giving me a lot to do and think about.

While in Texas, my family suffered the loss of my uncle - my dad's one and only
sibling. While his body stopped living from what may have been a stroke or heart
attack, his life ultimately ended because of drinking. He was 52. I watched my dad suffer for days with lots of pain and guilt, and it was so, so hard.

As if it wasn't enough to lose his brother, he had to break it to his mother (my
grandma who is living with him). There is little a painful situation that tops losing
and out-living your child, no matter how old. As the saying goes, nothing but time will help her get through it, but I don't think she ever will. In fact, the matter may
shorten her own life.

In my opinion, it's worth it to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but it makes you understand just how fierce a parent's love is and all that goes into parenting. The beginning of pregnancy is the beginning of endless worry, most of it over things completely out of your control. While many might feel that their parents didn't do the best of jobs, the sacrifice of parents is often overlooked and impossible to understand without first-hand experience.

Being an aunt of many, I've had my share of exposure to babies and parenting styles, but staying with my best friend and her beautiful baby for a few days in Texas was a good reminder of the intense responsibility bestowed upon new parents without a road map. There's nothing that will prepare you better for parenthood than being someone's "Baby Mama" for a few days. While I got way more sleep than she (or her son) did, I got the full exposure of all the little worries that come with every baby frown, and all the joys that come from almost anything a baby does (except for maybe not sleeping). Ravyn is doing an amazing job (despite her self-doubt that may appear from time to time with sleep deprivation). And I salute her and the other mothers that are embracing the full hands-on approach in a literal sense. You're doing an amazing job, Ravyn! I can only hope that I can hold even a candle to the great parenting that she and others are doing.

House hunting was yet another component of my very busy Texas trip (like the other two weren't enough!). I saw about 29 houses in 3 days, and the ultimate outcome was that I don't think we can have "as much house" as I think we need (without out-growing it fast) in the "hot" neighborhood that we prefer. Crestview is a happening area with lots of quaint houses loaded with charm, but not fully loaded otherwise. While we could walk to a couple of coffee shops and restaurants, and maybe the farmers market - and while the 'hood is filled with my kind of people - the houses are very small with no closets and little room to grow. Erik and I work at not having more than we need, and so part of me wants to force myself to live in a smaller space. It's too bad, however, that I know myself well enough to know that I will drive myself (and others) insane doing this. We have not left Crestview completely behind, but we are "exploring our options" (cheaper neighborhoods).

The jury is still out on the new neighborhood that we are now considering, but the houses are $50K LESS and with 500+ more square feet! Most people would say, "Where's the dotted line?" We are asking questions more like, "Where's the farmers market", and "Is 2 miles to the grocery store two too many...?" I go back and forth in what seems like seconds, but you can see the appeal...



2067 square feet!!






Decisions, decisions, decisions... A problem that I am grateful to have! :)

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