And then I found this. A set of questions written to myself in 2003, entitled "Questions for the 30 year-old Cris". You can imagine my shock and surprise as I sat there and realized that I am 30 for only 1 more month. And had I not been moving, I would never have found this, and would have missed the opportunity to answer them honestly and on-time.
I remember now the motivation for such a futuristic and thoughtful effort. My roommate at the time received a letter in the mail that she had written to herself back in her freshman year of college. The cover letter reminded her that it was something they did in her program, but the program was being discontinued, and instead of the program mailing it to her parents 10 years from the writing date, they mailed it to her about 5 years early. You'd be surprised what it asked, and how different her answers were from the time that she wrote it...I was shocked.
I wasn't so shocked with my own questions and answers, but I was certainly jolted a bit, saddened and elated all at once. Lucky you, I have recreated the questionnaire below, and have added my answers. Yikes...
Are you happy?
Yes, very much so.
Are you living in the present?
Actually yes, because I am so afraid of the future right now, and I'm trying to savor the present for once!
Are you faithful in your relationship (if you're in one)?
Yes.
Have you made peace with your loss of 2003/01?
What in the hell does that mean??
Are you in touch with your creative self?
Not until a couple of days ago when I was packing up my beads and decided to make some stuff to sell as one last desperate attempt to earn some cash - it has been many years (and it shows).
Are you still hiding your body?
Can I answer that later? Geez...yes...I guess sometimes...
Are you still obsessed with image?
Well...I wouldn't say obsessed, but I can get a little involved every once in awhile...
Are you struggling with materialism?
Funny you should mention that, Cristina - I go back and forth with wanting to work extra in order to get some nice stuff for our new house. So, I guess I am a little bit - it's still a love/hate thing with me.
Are you smoking?
No, I quit - yea!!!
Are you in love?
Insanely so. Aren't you gonna ask me with whom?
Do you love where you live?
Way too much...
Are you a slave to your job?
No, not anymore (phew...).
Do you still go by "Cris"?
Not at work, but it's hanging on everywhere else!
Have you taken someone else's last name?
Well, not yet, but I intend to before I leave DC and after our loan is all settled (really, Hon - I am).
Are you still a democrat?
You could say that!!!
Are you active in your community?
Define active. OK...no.
If you have kids, did you name them Leif and/or Helena Jude?
Not there yet, and I won't reveal the plans (not even to my past self)!
Are you still trying out new French bistros?
Uh, yeah!
Are you living to love and loving to live?
Very poetic, Cris. Yes, thank you.
Are you still patient with other's processes?
Not as much as I should be.
Are you maintaining familial relationships?
Does moving back to TX count (YES, it does - can you tell I wasn't raised with family around? What a question!)?
How's your mom? Are you still in a place where you forgive her, or do you resent her yet again?
In a good place now, but had bad spots in between.
Are you deep in the heart of TX (in all respects)?
OMG, Cris - really. How dorky are you?! I'm not even going to answer that (dork).
Are you playful in your relationship?
Yes :) My Pup and I just love to play (way too much actually)!
Are you still advocating for gay rights for a living?
Oh man - couple of years late on that one.
Have you gone to graduate school?
No, thank goodness! I don't have student loans!
Are you taking care of yourself? Your asthma?
I'm so glad you asked! I'm doing great in that respect (though I could use a lot less red wine and dark chocolate).
Have you learned to sew?
No, but I still plan to, dammit! Don't judge me, Cris (unless it helps you/me learn to sew).
Do you take more pictures?
Cris, you wouldn't believe it - I have a digital camera now! I take loads of pictures (but ask me in 5 years what I did with them...).
Do you believe in God?
Man...who's reading this blog again...? Let's just say I'm kind of agnostic.
Are you spiritual?
Probably not... Define spiritual.
Are you still trying to mold and control your partner?
Damn, dude! That phase is over thankfully. I decided to trust people, especially the one that loves me more than anything.
Are you reading more?
Thank goodness for the subway! Yes (does the paper count? Just kidding :)
Is seeing movies still your favorite past time?
Honestly, besides hanging with Erik, yes, it's still my favorite thing. Nothing beats sneaking treats into a cool dark theatre, and losing yourself in an artful production.
How is your game of chess?
My what? Um...
Do you have plants in your life?
Barely - they probably wish I didn't.
Do you like Tori Amos?
Another really dorky question. Tori and I are pretty much over.
Is music still a big part of your life?
It's on all the time, but I don't know who it is singing (Pandora Radio is this whole new thing. I love music, I just don't know much about it these days...but then again, I never really did).
Have you done anything in the past 5 years to make the world a better place?
Just 10hrs/day!!
Is your country at war?
Sadly, yes...still at war.
How is your anxiety?
Surprisingly high lately. Why do you ask? I don't remember you having a problem before. Honestly, I don't. I thought this was a new phenomenon.
Are you embracing your past or running from it?
Um...I think I'm embracing it (because I'm not running from it).
How's Louisa?
Ask her.
How's Jennifer Kern?
(she's the roommate that did this whole question thing) Honestly, I don't fully know, but I plan to connect with her again once back in Austin - she moved back, too (oh, and her name is Kennedy Kern now...)!
Do you like your hair?
Are you kidding me?? Actually...I'm learning to like it more - decided to grow it out and it's much better now (kind of).
Make-up or not?
Yes, but after kids, I will probably stop. And what the hell? Why does it matter anyway??
Are you wearing glasses?
Not updated ones!
Working out?
Yes (but not enough).
Do you still watch the sunset?
Rarely. Can't see it in this town!
Do you write poetry?
Never. However, I have written music - that counts, right Cris?
Who are you blaming for your downfalls?
God, girl! You/Me, I guess!
Are you still considering public office?
Wouldn't you like to know...
Who's the President?
Too bad you didn't ask me in a few months! I can't bare to tell you who it is right now...
How's Colin Cunliff?
Well, he contacted me recently through this thing called Facebook (don't ask), and he's great.
Corri Planck?
Good as ever (we still use email to communicate - yes, email's still around).
Do fresh flowers still find their way into your life?
Yes, but I'm not the one buying them!
How's the clutter?
Not so hot right now, cuz I'm movin' and all...but getting rid of lots of stuff!!
With whom are you really in love?
I thought you'd never ask! The "really" part is throwing me off a bit, but I'm in love with Erik Summerfield (was "me" supposed to be the answer?).
How's Katie Stone?
Last time we talked, she had been better, but we're not in touch if that's what you want to know...
Ben Glazer?
He's great - graduated from Harvard Business! Another successful ex-boyfriend under the belt!
Are you still growing from your experiences?
What else would I do with them?
Natural child birth, if any at all?
Still hoping for it!
Career mother or stay-at-home mom?
Gonna try for both...
Traveling? Seeing the world?
Absolutely!
Do you still cry in the bathroom?
How did you know?? Why do I do that?!
Are you a good aunt to ALL of your nephews and nieces?
No. But really, that's a huge motivation for moving back to Austin - so I can be closer to all 11 of them!!
So you see? Kind of scary, but I highly recommend this exercise - it can be very enlightening to inquire of yourself in such a way. The challenge is where do you keep the questions, and how do you remember to answer them in 5 or 10 years? If there's not a college program to do it for you, how can you remind yourself (unless you miraculously stumble upon them like I did)?
I really don't know, but I'm going to try it again. Here are some questions I would start with:
Questions for the 35 year-old Cristina
Have you had kids yet?
Are you freaked out by their astrological sign?
Are you still scared to death of not being a good mother?
Do you still have a very playful marriage?
Have you done your wedding album...?
Are you a homeowner? Same home as the one you bought in '08?
Do you yearn to live in the big city still (DC in particular)?
Any many other questions :)
It's been nice catchin' up with you, Cris!
