In effort to not completely forget everything one day (since I've failed miserably at writing it all down), I will take a moment to journal about our sleep situation.
First of all, I am writing this blog post on my laptop propped up high on my desk because I am standing up. I am standing because baby is taking her nap on me in the Ergo (baby carrier), and every time I sit, she wakes up (I think she had sensors implanted in our butts). As I've said before, this is the only way she'll take naps if I want her to sleep longer than 8 mins. While we are working on getting her to actually lay down for her naps (and we've worked on it in the past), the advice out there is not to mess with her naps if you have a bad night-sleeping situation (supposedly the better their naps, the better they sleep at night). Given that she's waking up every hour at night, I'd say that we have a bad night-sleeping situation. But there are reasons. I'll get to that.
My outlook on the sleep situation has been how I try to look at everything regarding parenting: Enjoy it - it won't last. Or: This, too, shall pass. And actually, I really do enjoy it. I can say that I literally feel her take every breath, and when she wakes up, she looks right up into my eyes and a huge smile spreads across her face. She sleeps peacefully and soundly when she sleeps on me. And best of all, I can pretty still go anywhere - the store, walks, restaurants, out of town, wherever. It's not as easy to get her down if there's distraction, but at least she doesn't have to have a bed to take naps. She also goes down really easily since we developed a routine. I know that she's willing to adapt to new things (because she totally responded to the routine-thing), but the key is her needing it. She needed a routine, but she may not need some of the more conventional sleeping arrangements that our society pushes on parents and children.
Stella is developing very well. I'm not worried about her lack of sleep. She is who she is. So she's not a very good sleeper - so what? She will be one day, or maybe not. I'm still not. I have always woken at the slightest noise. I've always struggled with insomnia. I've always gotten up at the crack of dawn because my body has never left me any other choice (though I'm not as much of a morning person as I used to be...). Is it because my mom was the exact same way? Is it because my parents left me to cry it out in a crib, and as a result I have anxiety around sleeping? Who knows. The inconvenience that I'm experiencing right now with Stella not sleeping is nothing with which I can't deal. I have my frustrations and I have my limits, and when my limit is reached, I have my breakdowns. But all of that was the same before she came along. Before Stella, work is what would push me to my limit and I would have a little breakdown and feel much better. Honestly, I can say most of my limits have to do with my hormones. PMS dictates more than I like to admit, but that's how it is - I have to deal with it. Breakdown is probably overly dramatic of a term. I vent heatedly or cry in the shower - that's more accurate.
The truth of the matter is that the push to be conventional is what negatively challenges me the most. Yes, it sucks that I have to basically go to bed at 7:30 pm and stay there for the next 12 hours. But would it suck so bad if I had 5, or even 3, other friends that were doing the same thing? Perspective is everything. Just like when you have a colicky baby, you almost have to seek out others that parent the way you do in order to feel like you're not crazy. I know there are others out there that are experiencing this and are just dealing with it instead of spending a lot of time trying to change it. But many of my friends (with the exception of a few) have very different situations than me, and they will counsel as parents do. We will be talking about our kids and our lives, and the conversation is inadvertently turned into trying to give me suggestions because they feel bad for me. And I appreciate that. But it's like this: they talk about their baby and how she sleeps or doesn't or whatever, and then they ask me about our experience. And then the list starts: "Have you tried this? Have you tried that? Oh, you're co-sleeping...? Well..." In the past, I've almost been apologetic when I tell people that we're co-sleeping, as if I know I'm to blame for my own problems. But I'm not actually apologetic. I love it. I feel fortunate to do it. And I often follow-up my statements with, "But I love it". But who cares who's judging me?
For months at a time, people will pull all-nighters to earn their degree, Masters or Ph.D, but many aren't willing to pull "all-nighters" with their young children other then a few times. Maybe school or work seems more of a justified reason, or maybe school seems more short-term. But that's how I see this stage of her (and my) life - it's short-term. THIS is my Ph.D. THIS is my job. THIS is where I am challenged. I am tested at every stage of motherhood. And because I am not evaluated by reviews from my boss or peers, I have to provide those evaluations myself. This process is maturing me as a woman because that is what having kids does to you. It tests my limits, and as a result, I meet new parts of me that I didn't know existed. Some of these things in me I do not like, and others I have grown to love and respect. She is the boss that's reviewing me. She is my customer. She is satisfied. And so am I.
As for the going to bed at 7:30-thing - no, I'm not worried about it's affects on Erik and me. We have a very strong and long bond that has withstood a lot. This is hard, but it's only practice for things to come. Hard is having a kid with leukemia, or surviving breast cancer. I am in no way minimizing sleep deprivation because it is brutal. It's torture. But we've been able to adjust so that we are not so tortured by it. We will not have this luxury with the second child, but second children are sometimes different - we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I don't need to parent Stella now based on what I may or may not have the luxury to do with our second child. They may be parented differently, but all children are because of their birth order.
But back to Erik and me, there are other ways for us to connect - it doesn't have to be after 7:30 when she's asleep. I'm not being robbed of anything precious that I can't get back on the weekend or at a different time. If we had time after 7:30 where we just "hung out", we would probably spend it watching mindless Netflix (which I love), or getting computer time that we never get. So instead of focusing on what I'm not getting done or what I'm NOT doing, I am focusing on how precious it is to be needed while my daughter cuts daggers through her gums. She is teething. She is learning to crawl. She is busy. It just happens to be at night when she needs to reconnect, snuggle and seek comfort through all that is her life right now. I feel that she is communicating very clearly what she needs, and I do not feel the need to deny her that. Sometimes when I'm very sleep deprived, I may tell Erik or friends that something's gotta give. But I don't always feel that way. I've made a lot of changes in my life to be able to get through this time. That's what "gave". Netflix "gave". I will not make Stella cry in order to achieve something that I'm not convinced is necessary. Right now, Stella does very little crying unless something is pretty wrong (except for laying down for diaper changes - I have no idea what that's about). I'd like to keep it that way.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Remembering Reflux
My dear friend recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Her beautiful baby girl has reflux. Because her pain and trauma hits so close to home, and because I never expounded upon the experience that we had with it, I am going to remember it now for my own sake and as a support to others that have experienced this cruel, harsh and undeserved sentence after the birth of a child.
It started after the second week of Stella's life. The screaming. The crying. People said it was normal. Others said it was not. People said it would stop after 6 weeks; 8 weeks; 3 months. The pediatrician listened and gave us sympathetic looks but really did nothing. When people asked how things were going, we nervously tried to be honest without being too whoa-as-me. And then the barrage of suggestions: "Did you try Gripe Water?" "Maybe you hold her too much". Then we just got sick of talking about it. What was the point? It was clear that other couples with babies less than three months old were enjoying Netflix movies at night and were eating dinner sitting down. They were not going through this. They were not gearing up all day for 5pm to start, when the baby would literally scream for the next 5-7hrs. They did not have days filled with painful gas and hiccups. They weren't forced to keep their baby sleeping upright ALL day and most of the night.
It started without warning. Things suddenly shifted from having a peaceful quiet newborn that slept in a baby hammock to having a panicky situation of passing her back and forth to each other as she screamed her loudest and tested our resolve. We walked up and down the street for hours in the middle of the balmy night, we rocked, we changed from sling to Moby to arms and to sling again. We laid her on the changing table and massaged her belly - sometimes that would quiet her for a few minutes. A few minutes became Heaven to us. But it would never last. We literally always had to be on the move. When she'd finally go to sleep later in the night, she would only sleep upright in the Moby, for when we laid her down it would start all over again. We took turns sleeping with her that way until it got so late in the night that we could lay her down in the bed with us and she would give into exhaustion. But many full nights were spent upright in the Moby, too.
And now, all her naps are spent upright in the Moby. ALL of them.
What was the problem? It was "colic". It was silent reflux. It was most likely underdeveloped intestines and "such" (pretty common in babies - they call it "colic"), and it all causes lots of stomach discomfort - gas, reflux, etc. She never had a diagnosis (we were never pushed to get one). In case it was allergies, I went wheat, soy, dairy and nut free for 3 months. I had done it before I got pregnant, but I wasn't nursing at the time. I wasn't sleep deprived at the time. While it sounds easy enough to just get up and cook chicken and broccoli, it's not easy to get up and make anything when you're baby won't stop crying and you're completely fried when she's not.
What worked? Nothing stopped the crying except for small distractions a couple of minutes at a time. A dropper of Gripe Water or Mylicon, a finger to suck on, eventually the pacifier would buy us a few minutes, a soothing CD would help calm our nerves while we wildly swayed her from side to side in the Moby. We literally could not stop moving. She would not let us sit down. AT ALL. One of us would make dinner while the other paced with the baby, and then we would take turns eating, or one of us would feed the other as we paced. As long as we kept moving. That's what helped.
Sadness, stress and worry is what I felt. When Erik would take her, I would fervently search the net for answers about colic, reflux and gas. I'd read message boards where people called it "the witching hour". I knew I wasn't the only one out there. Dr. Sears has chapters devoted in his books to comforting and parenting this kind of baby. But none of it actually helped the baby - it just made us realize we weren't insane and that it wasn't our fault. We still didn't know anyone else going through it though. Literally no one understood or could help, and we were so busy dealing with it that we didn't know how to ask for help.
Oh, the worry I had. I was a first-time mom! Nothing could have prepared me for that. She would grimace and straighten her legs and body like an arrow. She would scream so much that she'd get hoarse, and she'd cough and choke. I was supposed to protect her and I felt helpless. I felt robbed that I was not getting to bond with her in a sweet and intimate way. Instead, I was trying to control myself from losing it altogether. When she would stop screaming, I would begin to sob. Listening to that much crying and not sleeping at all was a recipe for complete havoc on the soul.
I went back to look at my posts from this period and I can see that I was politely avoiding the subject - trying not to complain. We were getting more judgment than support at the time, so I remember trying to keep the complaining to a minimum - use the blog to report milestones and happy things, I told myself. I didn't want the trauma of it to be the only thing about which I talked. But now I'm talking about it. I want my friend to know that I understand how insanely hard it is (though I don't know what it's like to also have a toddler, and her baby's reflux is MUCH worse). I want her to know that it prevents you from being the "kind of mom" you would want to be (one that's 100%), but that it's ok - things get better.The kind of mom you are to that baby at that time is exactly what you have to be. Say what you need to say, think what you need to think in order to get through it. I'm not proud of the thoughts I had or the things I said outloud when I spent hours getting her to sleep only to have my phone wake her up and have it start all over. I'd pass the baby off and go into the garage and yell into a towel (or other outlets). Had my friends actually seen how I was behaving, they would have been worried. Should they have been? Yes and no. "Yes" because I could have used more help. But "no" because yelling into a towel and throwing pacifiers are very healthy ways to relieve frustration. If you don't let it out somehow and somewhere, you'll either deal with it in therapy forever or spend your life regretting something worse.
I'm not saying anything that my friend hasn't heard before. But for my own records and to support her and others, I needed to recount this time. It's anxiety-producing. It's nothing but hard in every way. I was lucky that it ended. When I was beginning to lose hope, there was a magical turn-around at 3 months. Oh glorious 3 months. Many things did not change but the crying stopped. That doesn't happen for everyone, but it will stop at some point. Until it does, I can tell you that everyday makes you better at it and you get stronger from it. It's cliche but it's true. You almost become a pro at crisis management.
If this is happening to you, I recommend talking about it and reaching out as much as possible. Don't suffer through it alone and don't be self conscious about it (as I was). If you keep talking about it, you will eventually come across others that are experiencing the same thing, and while they may not solve your situation, it will help just to have some understanding from someone. And if this is happening to you: Good luck - you WILL survive it. Take it one hour at a time. And to my friend who's situation is much worse than mine was: You are doing an amazing job. Your kids may never thank you for being so strong during this time, but getting through it is making you an even more amazing mom than you were before (hard to believe!), even though you think it's the opposite.
And while you can't prepare for it now, I would just say to be aware that if you have a baby like this, it seems that they tend to stay a "high-need" baby. Parenting them can be more of a challenge, but apparently their high needs are all with purpose - they will amaze you. And you will amaze yourself.
It started after the second week of Stella's life. The screaming. The crying. People said it was normal. Others said it was not. People said it would stop after 6 weeks; 8 weeks; 3 months. The pediatrician listened and gave us sympathetic looks but really did nothing. When people asked how things were going, we nervously tried to be honest without being too whoa-as-me. And then the barrage of suggestions: "Did you try Gripe Water?" "Maybe you hold her too much". Then we just got sick of talking about it. What was the point? It was clear that other couples with babies less than three months old were enjoying Netflix movies at night and were eating dinner sitting down. They were not going through this. They were not gearing up all day for 5pm to start, when the baby would literally scream for the next 5-7hrs. They did not have days filled with painful gas and hiccups. They weren't forced to keep their baby sleeping upright ALL day and most of the night.
It started without warning. Things suddenly shifted from having a peaceful quiet newborn that slept in a baby hammock to having a panicky situation of passing her back and forth to each other as she screamed her loudest and tested our resolve. We walked up and down the street for hours in the middle of the balmy night, we rocked, we changed from sling to Moby to arms and to sling again. We laid her on the changing table and massaged her belly - sometimes that would quiet her for a few minutes. A few minutes became Heaven to us. But it would never last. We literally always had to be on the move. When she'd finally go to sleep later in the night, she would only sleep upright in the Moby, for when we laid her down it would start all over again. We took turns sleeping with her that way until it got so late in the night that we could lay her down in the bed with us and she would give into exhaustion. But many full nights were spent upright in the Moby, too.
And now, all her naps are spent upright in the Moby. ALL of them.
What was the problem? It was "colic". It was silent reflux. It was most likely underdeveloped intestines and "such" (pretty common in babies - they call it "colic"), and it all causes lots of stomach discomfort - gas, reflux, etc. She never had a diagnosis (we were never pushed to get one). In case it was allergies, I went wheat, soy, dairy and nut free for 3 months. I had done it before I got pregnant, but I wasn't nursing at the time. I wasn't sleep deprived at the time. While it sounds easy enough to just get up and cook chicken and broccoli, it's not easy to get up and make anything when you're baby won't stop crying and you're completely fried when she's not.
What worked? Nothing stopped the crying except for small distractions a couple of minutes at a time. A dropper of Gripe Water or Mylicon, a finger to suck on, eventually the pacifier would buy us a few minutes, a soothing CD would help calm our nerves while we wildly swayed her from side to side in the Moby. We literally could not stop moving. She would not let us sit down. AT ALL. One of us would make dinner while the other paced with the baby, and then we would take turns eating, or one of us would feed the other as we paced. As long as we kept moving. That's what helped.
Sadness, stress and worry is what I felt. When Erik would take her, I would fervently search the net for answers about colic, reflux and gas. I'd read message boards where people called it "the witching hour". I knew I wasn't the only one out there. Dr. Sears has chapters devoted in his books to comforting and parenting this kind of baby. But none of it actually helped the baby - it just made us realize we weren't insane and that it wasn't our fault. We still didn't know anyone else going through it though. Literally no one understood or could help, and we were so busy dealing with it that we didn't know how to ask for help.
Oh, the worry I had. I was a first-time mom! Nothing could have prepared me for that. She would grimace and straighten her legs and body like an arrow. She would scream so much that she'd get hoarse, and she'd cough and choke. I was supposed to protect her and I felt helpless. I felt robbed that I was not getting to bond with her in a sweet and intimate way. Instead, I was trying to control myself from losing it altogether. When she would stop screaming, I would begin to sob. Listening to that much crying and not sleeping at all was a recipe for complete havoc on the soul.
I went back to look at my posts from this period and I can see that I was politely avoiding the subject - trying not to complain. We were getting more judgment than support at the time, so I remember trying to keep the complaining to a minimum - use the blog to report milestones and happy things, I told myself. I didn't want the trauma of it to be the only thing about which I talked. But now I'm talking about it. I want my friend to know that I understand how insanely hard it is (though I don't know what it's like to also have a toddler, and her baby's reflux is MUCH worse). I want her to know that it prevents you from being the "kind of mom" you would want to be (one that's 100%), but that it's ok - things get better.The kind of mom you are to that baby at that time is exactly what you have to be. Say what you need to say, think what you need to think in order to get through it. I'm not proud of the thoughts I had or the things I said outloud when I spent hours getting her to sleep only to have my phone wake her up and have it start all over. I'd pass the baby off and go into the garage and yell into a towel (or other outlets). Had my friends actually seen how I was behaving, they would have been worried. Should they have been? Yes and no. "Yes" because I could have used more help. But "no" because yelling into a towel and throwing pacifiers are very healthy ways to relieve frustration. If you don't let it out somehow and somewhere, you'll either deal with it in therapy forever or spend your life regretting something worse.
I'm not saying anything that my friend hasn't heard before. But for my own records and to support her and others, I needed to recount this time. It's anxiety-producing. It's nothing but hard in every way. I was lucky that it ended. When I was beginning to lose hope, there was a magical turn-around at 3 months. Oh glorious 3 months. Many things did not change but the crying stopped. That doesn't happen for everyone, but it will stop at some point. Until it does, I can tell you that everyday makes you better at it and you get stronger from it. It's cliche but it's true. You almost become a pro at crisis management.
If this is happening to you, I recommend talking about it and reaching out as much as possible. Don't suffer through it alone and don't be self conscious about it (as I was). If you keep talking about it, you will eventually come across others that are experiencing the same thing, and while they may not solve your situation, it will help just to have some understanding from someone. And if this is happening to you: Good luck - you WILL survive it. Take it one hour at a time. And to my friend who's situation is much worse than mine was: You are doing an amazing job. Your kids may never thank you for being so strong during this time, but getting through it is making you an even more amazing mom than you were before (hard to believe!), even though you think it's the opposite.
And while you can't prepare for it now, I would just say to be aware that if you have a baby like this, it seems that they tend to stay a "high-need" baby. Parenting them can be more of a challenge, but apparently their high needs are all with purpose - they will amaze you. And you will amaze yourself.
Christmas (2009...)
I'm still catching up on blog posts of old photos and events. Here are photos from our trip to California to visit Erik's mom for Christmas.
One day we went to Balboa park with Erik's sister and her family of 4. Here we all are on the train.
Bianca and Lucia
Erik and Sebi
Exploring.
Awesome carousel. Awesome park.
One of a few Christmas parties - this is the Arko party (a very LARGE X-mas party).
Meeting Erik's grandma, Stella's great grandmother (she is blind and is exploring her hand)
Stella with Great Grandma and Grandpa Whalen (she is very sick in this picture)
Just barely sitting up alone and very excited about presents.
Yummy teething bunny.
With Nana (Erik's mom)
Nanna's husband, Kim (with their very tall and beautiful tree)
And Daddy.
We had such a nice Christmas (except for being sick :( Thank you, Nana and Kim!
One day we went to Balboa park with Erik's sister and her family of 4. Here we all are on the train.
Bianca and Lucia
Erik and Sebi
Exploring.
Awesome carousel. Awesome park.
One of a few Christmas parties - this is the Arko party (a very LARGE X-mas party).
Meeting Erik's grandma, Stella's great grandmother (she is blind and is exploring her hand)
Stella with Great Grandma and Grandpa Whalen (she is very sick in this picture)
Just barely sitting up alone and very excited about presents.
Yummy teething bunny.
With Nana (Erik's mom)
Nanna's husband, Kim (with their very tall and beautiful tree)
And Daddy.We had such a nice Christmas (except for being sick :( Thank you, Nana and Kim!
New Years with Our Friends
Our friends Ryan and Nicole from DC moved to Berlin not long after we moved to Austin. After seeing them nearly every weekend for years, it has been a hard adjustment to mostly experience them through their blog and sporadic emails. So we were so excited when they were able to visit us in Austin as part of their Christmas trip to the States! Stella was quite ill (and Nicole, too, as it turns out...), so we weren't able to do it up as usual, but we enjoyed some very low key time.
They met Stella for the first time in person (vs. Skype).
She liked them.
We crawled around on Ryan...
We had floor time with Nicole...
We played with our new precious finger puppets from Germany!
The boys jumped into their gadget/tech-speak...
And in addition to other things, we enjoyed a lovely vegetarian meal at Mother's Cafe.
Man were we sad to see them go. Actual tears fell from my eyes. While it's fun to move off and start new chapters of life, it is so very hard to leave your friends. We have the promise of seeing our other friends in DC a lot because we go back several times a year, but it's hard to be separated by oceans. If we don't make it to Europe this year, our plan is to meet them wherever we can on their next trip to the US. But believe me, we are planning on seeing this Germany-place soon (beer...beer...yum...). Until then...we miss you guys! Thanks for coming!
They met Stella for the first time in person (vs. Skype).
She liked them.
We crawled around on Ryan...
We had floor time with Nicole...
We played with our new precious finger puppets from Germany!
The boys jumped into their gadget/tech-speak...
And in addition to other things, we enjoyed a lovely vegetarian meal at Mother's Cafe.Man were we sad to see them go. Actual tears fell from my eyes. While it's fun to move off and start new chapters of life, it is so very hard to leave your friends. We have the promise of seeing our other friends in DC a lot because we go back several times a year, but it's hard to be separated by oceans. If we don't make it to Europe this year, our plan is to meet them wherever we can on their next trip to the US. But believe me, we are planning on seeing this Germany-place soon (beer...beer...yum...). Until then...we miss you guys! Thanks for coming!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
A Visit from Italy
Erik's dad came to visit from Italy, and while this was back in...November...here are some memories now!
Grandpa meets Cathey Estelle for the first time
Trying out the sling...
That's better.
Gettin' ready to eat some good Texas BBQ (hard to find in Italy)
The Grandpas (we took an awesome tour of Colling's Guitars where my dad works)
So sad you left...it went too fast... Come again soon!
And thank you for the wonderful things you brought us - we love our jogger and our new Moby!!
Grandpa meets Cathey Estelle for the first time
Trying out the sling...
That's better.
Gettin' ready to eat some good Texas BBQ (hard to find in Italy)
The Grandpas (we took an awesome tour of Colling's Guitars where my dad works)
So sad you left...it went too fast... Come again soon!And thank you for the wonderful things you brought us - we love our jogger and our new Moby!!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Hello Again
There are many reasons why I haven't posted in so long. But instead of going through the excuses, I will just do a quick update instead, followed by some quick posts with pictures (some of this I just need to get down for my own records before I forget it all!).
The last thing I posted was about our trip back to DC for Thanksgiving (yikes, is it already Valentine's Day...?). Not long after that we traveled to California for Christmas. Stella had a very sweet first Christmas visiting her Nana in San Diego. However, she got sicker than she had ever been (and we got sick, too). She was sick for almost an entire month, starting with fever and throwing-up, and settling into terrible congestion, cough, mucus, etc. We "slept" upright with her because it was the only way she could get any rest. It was reminiscent of the colic/reflux days in the early months (shiver). The blood test confirmed it was flu, though the Health Dept is the only one that can determine if it was Swine Flu (ped said it could have been). Our job was to keep it from turning into a major infection or pneumonia. It was just hard. For a long time.
But then she got better and our hearts were relieved! What did not change was her new sleeping pattern, however. She literally wakes every 45 minutes now, and when she's teething really bad (all the time lately), she wakes up every 20 minutes. The sleep deprivation has been brutal, no doubt, but we are surviving. We've done some things to try and make it better and easier. For instance, she now has a bedtime (7:30) and a routine, something totally foreign to us before. We had tried to do this earlier in her life, but she fought going to sleep so hard that we decided not to spend the whole night trying to put her down. But as it turns out, she is, alas, ready for an early bedtime, and she does SOOOOOO much better with a routine. Erik and I are not routine people, so I wasn't very excited about introducing something that's hard to maintain when you're traveling, etc. But it works so well that it's worth it, and it's also very pleasant and sweet. We play the same sweet song on repeat, while we get her ready for bed in her own bedroom (change diaper, put on jammies, nurse, brush "teeth") and then we read books before we put her in the Ergo and sway her to sleep. Since the beginning, she has always loved for me to nestle my face with hers and to hold her hand while patting her back and singing in her ear, all at the same time (this is why an Ergo is useful - hands-free holding). It's so very sweet. I wish this age would never end (except for the sleep part).
Erik has mostly become the parent that puts her to sleep at night while I run around getting things ready for bed (I shower, fill up humidifier, clear off beds, etc.). Believe it or not, we all end up going to sleep with her at like 8:30 because it's the only chance at a decent night's sleep that we'll get. Then I take her through the night - I wake with her every 45 mins until I reach my limit (5am) at which point I wake Erik to take over (he's usually had between 7-8 hours of sleep by then). Yes, we are trying many things to improve the length of her sleep, but until those two stubborn top teeth come in, there's not much we can do. She's in pain and that's clear from noon until noon again. Before, I was frantic to change the situation, but I've had a major attitude adjustment. Now I'm just trying to enjoy her cuddles while they last (while changing ours lives to accommodate crazy sleeplessness). We've read some books and talked to other parents, and we are not completely giving up on changing things, but every baby is different - we just have a high-needs baby (and trust me, they exist and it's not the parents' fault). Learning to crawl and cutting teeth also just makes babies wake up a lot. It won't last forever.
Now for some pictures...
The last thing I posted was about our trip back to DC for Thanksgiving (yikes, is it already Valentine's Day...?). Not long after that we traveled to California for Christmas. Stella had a very sweet first Christmas visiting her Nana in San Diego. However, she got sicker than she had ever been (and we got sick, too). She was sick for almost an entire month, starting with fever and throwing-up, and settling into terrible congestion, cough, mucus, etc. We "slept" upright with her because it was the only way she could get any rest. It was reminiscent of the colic/reflux days in the early months (shiver). The blood test confirmed it was flu, though the Health Dept is the only one that can determine if it was Swine Flu (ped said it could have been). Our job was to keep it from turning into a major infection or pneumonia. It was just hard. For a long time.
But then she got better and our hearts were relieved! What did not change was her new sleeping pattern, however. She literally wakes every 45 minutes now, and when she's teething really bad (all the time lately), she wakes up every 20 minutes. The sleep deprivation has been brutal, no doubt, but we are surviving. We've done some things to try and make it better and easier. For instance, she now has a bedtime (7:30) and a routine, something totally foreign to us before. We had tried to do this earlier in her life, but she fought going to sleep so hard that we decided not to spend the whole night trying to put her down. But as it turns out, she is, alas, ready for an early bedtime, and she does SOOOOOO much better with a routine. Erik and I are not routine people, so I wasn't very excited about introducing something that's hard to maintain when you're traveling, etc. But it works so well that it's worth it, and it's also very pleasant and sweet. We play the same sweet song on repeat, while we get her ready for bed in her own bedroom (change diaper, put on jammies, nurse, brush "teeth") and then we read books before we put her in the Ergo and sway her to sleep. Since the beginning, she has always loved for me to nestle my face with hers and to hold her hand while patting her back and singing in her ear, all at the same time (this is why an Ergo is useful - hands-free holding). It's so very sweet. I wish this age would never end (except for the sleep part).
Erik has mostly become the parent that puts her to sleep at night while I run around getting things ready for bed (I shower, fill up humidifier, clear off beds, etc.). Believe it or not, we all end up going to sleep with her at like 8:30 because it's the only chance at a decent night's sleep that we'll get. Then I take her through the night - I wake with her every 45 mins until I reach my limit (5am) at which point I wake Erik to take over (he's usually had between 7-8 hours of sleep by then). Yes, we are trying many things to improve the length of her sleep, but until those two stubborn top teeth come in, there's not much we can do. She's in pain and that's clear from noon until noon again. Before, I was frantic to change the situation, but I've had a major attitude adjustment. Now I'm just trying to enjoy her cuddles while they last (while changing ours lives to accommodate crazy sleeplessness). We've read some books and talked to other parents, and we are not completely giving up on changing things, but every baby is different - we just have a high-needs baby (and trust me, they exist and it's not the parents' fault). Learning to crawl and cutting teeth also just makes babies wake up a lot. It won't last forever.
Now for some pictures...
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