18 Weeks

I went to my mother's house in Houston this past weekend to begin cleaning out her things, and on the drive back, I dropped "something" under the seat (OK, a Hershey bar) and I couldn't get it... Not because it was too far away but because I have passed a particular point of being able to painlessly bend in half and look under the seat that I'm sitting on. There is suddenly so much pressure and a feeling of constant "fullness" in my belly.

Heartburn has definitely set-in. I used to skip those chapters in the preg books and think, Goodness...I really hope I skip that phase. But no. I mastered it instead. I have FINALLY learned the art of eating smaller meals, and this really helps. Before, I would just be so hungry and so undecided about what I wanted that by the time I ate, I was starving and would end up eating a big meal. Now I try to reach for small things all day, and it's been kinder to me than the big meal. Not being sick has helped this progression.

Last Week

In all honestly, I wish I had my old taste buds back. I need to stop eating some of these crazy things I crave. For instance, when is the last time you had a frozen chicken pot pie? And how many times can I eat pasta per week? Endless. We have really begun to buckle down on our budget, so we're cooking every meal at home. But I am still having a slight aversion to my old style of cooking. No longer do I want beautiful greens and stir fry with chicken. I want comfort food that packs on the pounds (I don't want the second part but it's unavoidable). Mashed (or baked) potatoes, casseroles, hamburgers...things of this nature. Salad is slowly making it's way back into my life - the only problem with salad is that it's not very filling unless there's chicken or something on it. But a preggo can't eat cold ck/meat (and who wants hot meat on a salad?), and I can only have salmon once per week. And no feta. So salads are kind of lame right now. I need to get more creative with the beans and lentils, but honestly, lentils make me want to puke right now.

I'm still figuring out the food thing to say the least. But the overall pregnancy has been a joy and has been very smooth. We heard the heartbeat again very recently and everything is checking out.

It's so hard to have those "milestone' appointments and not be able to call my mom and tell her about it, but I still tell her in my heart. The other pregnant woman in my Motherless Daughters support group found out this week that she is having a girl. She is also struggling with going through these huge milestones without her mother even though this is her third child. I am lucky to have found this support group of women that understand the devastating loss of a mother. They understood when I shared how hard it was to clean out my mom's make-up and toiletries this past weekend. With every bottle I threw away, I shook with sobs and sadness. It seemed somehow disrespectful to be filling trash bags full of things she used and loved everyday (hair products, her favorite body powder, thoughtfully chosen lipstick). There is just nothing easy about this process and it's nice to have a safe place to talk about how painful even the smallest of things can be.

Erik's grandfather and grandmother said it best in the card they sent: We have been sent a baby to focus our love and attention on. Count your blessings; cherish those who love you.