Last week was the 20th week, and while I waited (bored out of my mind) in the Dr.'s waiting room (GP, not OB), I felt the first little flutters and pings of our child moving around. I was so stunned (as most women are), that I immediately held my tummy tightly with both hands and internally begged for another movement. As I stared intensely into the air, concentrating on feeling something, I felt it again and knew for sure that it wasn't gas or something else - it was the little creature inside of me, finally big enough to be felt. Talk about joy. I stared into space, grinning from ear-to-ear in a waiting room full of strangers that must have thought I was having a secret orgasm or something.
Since then, I have felt that same feeling pretty regularly. It still feels like little flutters and "rolling" - no real major kicks yet. As my midwife calls me, I am pretty text book in terms of when I hit my milestones and how big I am. Never have I been OK with being so ordinary and not unique. But a way in which I maybe haven't been that ordinary is my lack of obsessing. Many moms by this point have experienced a lot of anxiety and emotional ups-and-downs regarding their pregnancy (miscarriage and other things). Other than my mom's death and the emotion that has surrounded that, I have been very calm and relaxed with it all (maybe too relaxed...?), and haven't really obsessed about anything. I think I am just busy enough with the house and work that I don't really focus on it so much. If anything, I expect that I'll become more and more anxious about a natural birth at home (because of the pain, nothing else), but I'm trying to be cool about it (as I read birth story after birth story about excruciating pain and women having to access their animal brain just to get through it...). Until then, I am more obsessive about finishing the house so that I can enjoy myself when the baby's born. I don't want to be holding a newborn with postpartum depression, and crying about how much I hate the wallpaper everywhere. If I didn't have like 5 rooms left to remodel and decorate, I would probably be more obsessive about my pregnancy, but who knows.
The house is coming along well. I finally finished pulling down wallpaper in one of the bathrooms and will begin painting it soon. I have fun looking online for stuff for the baby room, but everything seems too this or that or too expensive. Hopefully the shipment of baby stuff from Erik's dad will arrive soon (he is thankfully sending us all of his baby stuff that he used with his kids) - that may help me start to figure that room out a bit. All in all, I'm having a good time decorating and figuring rooms out. It's been a little stressful with our budget, but thank goodness for garage sales, thrift stores and Craig's List - honestly, our house would be empty without those things.
The last of the wallpaper (in this room...).
Our Chinese torture tool.
The pregnant contractor (boy, was she slow...).Parts of Austin, including our backyard, have started to explode into spring. While many parts of the country are getting hammered with snow and last minute season storms, we are experiencing 70-degree days and blooming daffodils :)
Our daffodils - who knew!
7 comments:
Yay, more than halfway through your pregnancy! You look great! And stop reading those natural birthing stories where the women call it 'excruciating pain'! :) Your body is made to do this and it's different than an "injury pain". Plus you get the greatest reward in the end! Though I guess it's better to read those stories and be pleasantly surprised than to read the Ina May Gaskins stories that I devoured and misguidedly thought I could just go outside and squat under a tree to birth my baby! :)
That's right, rub spring in our faces :) No but really, congratulations on being halfway there already. Looks like you are in full nesting mode already. And I'm going to second Jenna and suggest the Ina May Gaskin book. It's outdated at times (they use the term "groovy" a lot) but I found it really motivational.
Craiglist and garage sales are a godsend for baby stuff! I found lots of good deals on diapers on eBay and FuzziBunz had this great swap program when E was in diapers. Anyway, happy nesting!
Glad you feel 'too relaxed' - I had that exact same thought through my pregnancy. I was kind of calm as the birth approached as well. It is scary, but the mind takes care of you when you need it to. Rayvn has a copy of my birth story and can pass it on if you would like another to read.
Thank you for the comments! I have really enjoyed Ina May's book, often referring to it as my little Bible. I'm glad it's so positive, but I do feel at times that it's almost too positive - I'm halfway expecting to just kick back and relax during birth after reading that book (or squat under a tree), but I know it may not be that way for me. I will aim for the calmness that's in that book while trying to also expect that I might be a screaming maniac. The point I take away is to be at peace in the mind about birth and to trust my body that it knows what to do.
Any and all birth stories are totally welcome!!
And I'll have to look into the fuzzibunz swap - that's awesome!
you should read tammy's birth story. and see the pics. as for being too relaxed, please! there is time for worry later. enjoy the fact that you aren't worrying! it's so good for you not to be anxious, I wish i hadn't been! it didn't do me any good.
and it's not "excruciating". It's so different than that. Jenna's right.
you rock! house is looking great and so are you! i'm so jealous of the daffodils and warm weather-it's still too cold here in dc and i feel i cannot properly nest without the windows open. it looks like we have so much in common these days, new house, impending natural childbirth. glad to have someone to relate to and since you're a week ahead of me i'll need a full report! keep up the posts!
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