Birth Story

First of all, I just want to thank you all for adding to our amazing experience by sending all of your thoughts and well wishes, and for so actively participating in our birth story. Thank you all for being a part of it! I will be making keepsakes out of the posts and emails and saving them in the baby book for Firecracker to read one day.

As you all know, we chose to have a home birth for many reasons, and I still feel that I enjoyed most of the beauty that comes with a home birth. For around 37 hours (actually longer but who's counting), I labored in our home (around 44 hours labor total), free as a bird to roam from room to room, to eat what I wanted, to rest when I could, to shower for as long as the hot water heater could take it. I peeled clothes on and off, I knelt, squatted, laid and bounced wherever a contraction hit me. All be it very slowly...my body was allowed to do the work that it needed to do to bring Firecracker into this world. The contrast with the hospital is often that you are hooked-up to a fetal monitor and not allowed to move around with each contraction or to even eat or drink anything at all! Instead of being hooked up to a monitor or confined to a bed that whole time, I joyfully experienced the beauty, pain and emotion of labor at home and with Erik there for every breath.



While it's still a little unclear what happened, essentially I dialated all the way to 7-8cm (need to dialate to 10 for birth), but then when I was checked next, I had gone back down to 5cm and my cervix had significant swelling (bad news as my midwife put it). The choices were few given that we were exhausted and the contractions were intensifying. Intense contractions are usually a sign that you're close, but in my case, they had been that way for the last 12 hours. It was becoming increasingly hard to eat (and I was throwing up everything I touched), and the midwife's exams revealed that the baby was pretty tired after so many hours of contractions (not good that neither of us were getting calories). So laboring at home much longer was not really an option. Upon hearing the news, Erik and I had a very emotional moment of surrendering to what needed to be done. He bathed me in affection as we cried and he told me I had been strong and it was ok. At the suggestion of my midwife, we labored another 45 minutes at home at many different "stations" she had set up for us to try out different positions. And then after no change, we accepted the next step.

So then it was time to prepare for a "transport" to the hospital. We ran around gathering the things we needed, blowing candles out and preparing the house to be empty for a couple of days. People had shown up that I didn't even know where in the house, and they were just in time! We needed all the support and help we could get and they were amazing. The rest was just like the movies. I had a very painful car ride to the hospital, and for all I knew, Jesus was driving and we were headed for New York City - in other words, I was OUT of it. As I slowly neglected my home birthing pain techniques (to basically meditate through contractions and relax the body), I began to tense up with every contraction, feeling helpless and like there was no mercy. Oh, and did I mention that I had extreme back labor this whole time? I still have bruises and dry patches on my back from begging Erik to pound my back. "MY BACK!", I would yell. Anyway, once we got to the hospital, I seem to remember being wheeled up to labor and delivery on someone's desk chair...? And then I remember being tranpsorted to a wheel chair and rushed off to my room. I'm telling you, it was just like the movies. There really was no emergency at that point (nor had there been for 37 hours), but I guess that's how they react to people in intense pain, and I guess they handle it like that in case there is an emergency (but we had called them in advance and told them the situation - they were expecting us).

Then I was checked into a room, put in a hospital gown and hooked up to a monitor. At this point, my contractions were so intense I thought they were lasting 20 mins at a time. For the first time through the whole labor, I was literally screaming out in pain, not trying to control it anymore. It's funny how much will power one can lose when they know the pain could be relieved at any moment (which was not an option at home). My sisters supported my weight as my knees buckled and they swayed my hips from side to side. Later I learned that the contractions seemed 20 minutes long because they were only 1 min apart - the first regulated contractions I had the whole time (the others were less consistent). With that news, we hoped that I was dialating faster now, but an exam revealed that I was still a mere 5 cm. In my weakness, I was posed with my options. Basically I could have a shot of pitocin, which is a synthetic hormone that makes your contractions come quicker and stronger - generally not something you can handle without an epidural. I could still try to deliver naturally, but most likely the pitocin would make it completely unbearable and I would end up exhausted and with a C-section. OR, I could take the most likely route to a vaginal birth: have a shot of pitocin, have an epidural to deal with the expressed dialation, and then deliver vaginally.



I did the latter. I was administered an epidural after about an hour (it only worked on half my body...), and then the pitocin. The lack of food and all the drugs made me sick to my stomach. I dry-heaved into mauve plastic bedpans as I shook violently from the exhaustion. But I was very happy inside, knowing that Firecracker was close. Michael Jackson's memorial service played silently on the TV above as I braced through the contractions I felt on half of my body. The next exam revealed I had dialated to 6cm, and then to a 7cm. Not long after that exam, I told Erik to go get the nurse because I felt a tremendous amount of pressure "coming down". When she came back and did the exam, she surprised me by saying that it was time to have the baby! So after around 7 hours of labor in the hospital (and around 37 at home), it was finally time to push. I had heard that women with epidurals sometimes had to push for hours, so I half-seriously asked if there was time for a nap first, but the arrival of the delivery table told me no.

Little Stella (full name Cathey Estelle) was born at 10:16pm after just a short time of pushing. The gender was a surprise all the way up to delivery at which point the Dr. held her up in front of me and said something like, "Well, you didn't want me to tell you what it was - do you have a guess?" Our family and friends were soon let into the delivery room even as I was being sewn up (I had an internal laceration, but no episiotomy!), and it was so joyous to share this event with them right away.

Erik never left her side.

The rest of our hospital stay was really lovely with lots of care and support pouring in from family and friends that visited daily, bringing us food and comfort. Before I even transferred to my recovery room, it was filled with flowers, comfortable pillows and bedding for Erik and delicious snacks for in between hospital meals. Thank you Michele, Lara and Ravyn for all of that!








Thank you to all that worried on our behalf and anxiously waited for updates - we didn't mean to stress anyone out :) Our laboring at home was incredibly safe and we were in excellent hands and care the whole time. There is really no explanation as to why my cervix got "hung up", so I feel we did what we had to and I really loved every minute of our experience. It's almost like we had the best of both worlds.

Now we are enjoying getting to know our little girl at home. She has a very sweet disposition and is nothing but precious all day and night. I have never been filled with so much joy. Now I understand the love of a parent - an emotion so strong it brings tears to your eyes for no reason at all. With every little wince of pain she has, my heart breaks in two, and with every little happy noise, my heart breaks in two. We just adore her and feel incredibly fortunate to have her and to have each other.

Thanks again for the love and support. I loved hearing the updates through labor that our friends and family on the list were sending love and supportive messages the whole time! It really makes a difference to have that kind of support.

We love you all and can't wait for you to meet her!