Confessions of a Messie

Being organized is a highly valuable gift that not all of us have.

There are many philosophies as to why some people are "messy", and why others go unburdened by such a trait. Teachings from parents (or lack thereof) can often be quoted as the reason. Depression or laziness is a popular competitor to parental blame (or praise). And then there's the combo of both labels that will pretty much never let a "Messie" out of Messie Jail (or Messie Heaven, as it may be for some). Oh, and I can't forget the rebellious type, when the mother (most often) is extremely clean, and thus the messy adult child is...well...just isn't clean.

Many that know me well probably know of my struggles to be organized and to maintain. Perhaps they know this about me because I am not good about emailing them back or keeping up about certain things. Or perhaps they're familiar with my closed-door policy: "Don't go in that room or you may get lost", or "You didn't tell me that you were bringing someone home!" (Erik's most familiar with this one).

And so it is to my friends that I officially reveal something that is not just a personality trait, but that is one of the biggest challenges in life: I'm a Messie.

The purpose of my blog has been to keep people updated about a busy time, but it's also served as my journal (first ever), as a record of the times, and as a place to explore my fears and excitement about going into unchartered territory (in this case, having a baby and "keeping house"). And so my confessions begin.

This may sound crazy to most, but my biggest fear about having a baby has been about staying organized. It's not just a common concern that "every new mother" faces, but it's a truly debilitating issue with which many struggle daily. It has the ability to not only hinder one's productivity on a personal level (though work is different for some reason), but it can paralyze us in ways that I am just beginning to realize.

People that struggle with this don't intentionally make excuses to excuse themselves, but because they often don't know what else to do. If you are disorganized, how can you even begin to organize the time to get organized? There will always be an excuse as to why there's no time to start and finish a project that's been building up. That's usually because it is generally just too overwhelming for a Messie to even fathom where to begin, or there are too many other things competing as priorities (ultimately none of which will probably ever get done...).

So what do you do?

The above book that I am reading validates the existence of specific characteristics of "a Messie", not justifying the actions, but identifying the traits and the mantras of people that struggle with chronic disorganization. No matter the reason, there's a world full of us, and there is no simple solution for any of us.

Baby steps with things here and there is the starting point. But ultimately it seems that pretty serious systems have to be put in place and followed somewhat religiously, striking the balance to not have it rule your life. While some may protest that systems WILL rule your life if you take it too far, I would argue that NOT having systems in place is actually what rules (and ruins) a Messie's life.

The book suggests that "Cleanies" have systems that come somewhat naturally to them for whatever reason - maybe because they grew up in this environment, or maybe because they visually can't stand clutter. Whatever it is, a Cleanie is motivated to do what a Messie will only obsess about and never accomplish (and if not obsess about, than just ignore but with the same end result).

And so doing pretty much anything is overwhelming to a Messie because there aren't systems in place. Opening mail, for instance, can be the worst thing in a Messie's life if there is no system for filing, and if there is not an address book/record-keeping system. A Messie will keep a pile of envelopes with people's addresses on them, intending to later record them in an address book or online somehow, but then never get around to it because the pile just grows and grows and it will take too long. And so a system that requires you to do it the second you open the mail (and not ever putting it off) is what will actually make the Messie accomplish the simple task of opening mail.

What's ironic is that with these systems, a Messie can actually end up becoming more systemic and organized than even many Cleanies! OK, so the book says this isn't actually true because a Cleanie doesn't have as much potential to revert into a Messie, but whatev - you know what I mean.

Of course there are many different levels of seriousness. I, for instance, have a medium problem: my house isn't perfect, but it's not concerning either. And once it hits a certain point, I whip into shape and tackle everything (pretty often). But the point is to not let it get to that point in the first place. The issues at our house are small in comparison, but they're enough so that it's time to create some systems to make things run more smoothly. Oh, and btw, I'm not the only Messie in this house...so that has risen the alert from yellow to orange...

My grandmother has been paralyzed by her inability to get control of her chronic disorganization problem. Her husband died back in the 70's, and she was never able to confront the task of cleaning out an entire garage and house full of his stuff. Nor was she able to sell a farm that he could no longer work. Instead, she filled both places to the rim with anything and everything, never being able to throw anything out, and never being able to find beauty in her environment ever again. If you knew her, you would never know that there is barely a walkway in her house, because she is incredibly put together all the time - never even a hair out of place. But her life is another story. Blame it on being from the Depression Era, blame it on the grief of losing a husband so early - whatever it is, it's a trait that has been faithfully passed down to all of her kids and grandkids, and we are plagued by something that doesn't even have a name.

I have never been inspired to read a book to help me conquer this problem. And as the book has pointed out, I am always trying to create solutions that just don't stick. But with the help of this book, I feel that I have entered Messie therapy, and I hope my kids and husband (and I) will all benefit from this paperback writer.